Scene IV

The curtain opens one more time on the Village Inn meeting room, early the next morning (Village Inn LOVES convention season!). A deacon is addressing a hand-picked group of lay delegates at a prayer breakfast. Cue music -

(Deacon) When I was a lad I served a term
As a church trustee after I’d been confirmed.
I cleaned the windows, and I swept the floor,
And I polished up the handle of the big front door.

(Men) He polished up the handle of the big front door.

(Deacon) I polished up that handle so carefully, that now I am a Deacon in ol’ Missouri.

(Men) He polished up that handle so carefully, that now he is a Deacon in ol’ Missouri!

(Deacon) As church trustee I made such a mark
They elected me the striker of the spark.
I struck the sparks with a smile so bright,
And I fanned the flames with gusto, made events ignite!

(Men) He fanned the flames with gusto, made events ignite!

(Deacon) I fanned the flames with gusto with a hand so free, that now I am a Deacon in ol’ Missouri.

(Men) He fanned the flames with gusto with a hand so free, that now he is a Deacon in ol’ Missouri!

(Deacon) In striking sparks I made such a name,
That my congregation’s elder I became.
I voted for the screen and the songs ‘bout me,
And I made sure that the pastor stayed contemp’rary.

(Men) He made sure that the pastor stayed contemp’rary.

(Deacon) And that pastor stayed so contemp’rary, that now I am a Deacon in ‘ol Missouri.

(Men) And that pastor stayed so contemp’rary, that now he is a Deacon in ‘ol Missouri!

(Deacon) “Why stop at elder,” I was advised;
“To teach and preach you can be authorized;
And Sacraments you can at ease dispense,
And it doesn’t really matter if it gives offense.”

(Men) It really doesn’t matter if it gives offense?

Deacon) ‘Twas passed in ’89, conventionally, so now I am a Deacon in ‘ol Missouri.

(Men) ‘Twas passed in ’89, conventionally, so now he is a Deacon in ‘ol Missouri!

(Deacon) Now, laymen all, whoever you may be,
Why take four years to learn theology?
Just take ten classes and you’ll know enough;
You can take over the pastor’s Sunday morning stuff.

(Men) We’ll take over the pastor’s Sunday morning stuff?

(Deacon) You’ll consecrate, preach and teach with glee; yes, you can be a deacon in ol’ Missouri!

(Men) We’ll consecrate, preach and teach with glee; and we will all be deacons in ol’ Missouri!

Curtain