Friday, April 13, 2007

This can't be good

Ever had a voters’ assembly (circuit, district, synodical) meeting where a group of these guys take over? It’s especially bad when they’re backed by this majority, and no help at all if this sums up your leadership. Anyone who survives one of these meetings deserves this.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

It's not too early

to think about VBS. You can adapt this "hit" movie for use as a skit, and click here for everything else you need. I think I'll skip the rattlesnake maraca pens though; I've never seen Lutherans rattlin' for God.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The exciting conclusion

Captain’s Personal Log, Stardate 0428.07. We’ve been on the planet’s surface for weeks now, and the situation remains unchanged. The crew is badly in need of R&R and I’ve got a headache.

“Captain, the Admiral is calling. He’s requesting your report.”

“Put him through to my quarters, Youth-Hurrah. I’ll take it there.”


“Admiral Kirkwood, it’s good to see you again.”

“You, too, Kirche. Well, let’s have it.”

“Admiral, we’ve done our best, but these people are very resistant. Lieutenant Youth-Hurrah managed to captivate a few of the younger inhabitants, but their parents sent them all running for higher things. Mr. Checkbook’s idea of innovation was to turn his aphaser! setting to kill, but even that didn’t aphase! them. Lieutenant Sue-Lue keeps asking if I need any help, and First Officer Spark lies in the fetal position in sick-bay, getting fat on plomeek soup, trying to realize his creativity!

“Jim, Jim…. Put all that aside for now. I have an offer for you. I want you here with me, on my personal staff. Whaddya say?”

“Leave my ship? But Admiral, don’t we already have a shortage of captains in the trenches, so to speak?”

“That’s the beauty of it, Jim. You’ll still be in command, but you’ll be supervising junior officers who‘ll be running the Enterprise, the Constitution, and the Reconciliation.”

“That’s quite a change, Admiral. Can I think about it?”

“Sure, Jim. No pressure. Take your time. I’ll call you back this afternoon. Kirkwood out.”

“Jim, what brings you to sick bay?”

“Dry Bones, ya got any more of that plomeek soup?”

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Sigh-fi it is!

Captain’s Log, Stardate 0401.07. Word from Starfleet brass has it that the fourth planet of the Loothronus system is dead. We’ve been sent to verify.

“Mr. Checkbook…”

“Aye, Kiptin?”

“Put us in standard orbit. Dry Bones, report to the bridge. Mr. Spark, you’re the science officer. What do you see on the big screen?”

Readings coming in now, Captain. Projections, zero; lyric output, zero; power poi… It’s dead, Jim.”

“Captain Kirche?”

“What is it, Youth-Hurrah?”

“I’m picking up a communication signal from the planet’s surface. It’s an older dialect, but still in our data base.”

“Put it on audio, Lieutenant.”

“We bidst thee welcome, Enterprise. Wouldst thou joinest us in our fellowship hall?”

“I’m the doctor around here, and that’s not the sound of death, Spark! Are you out of your Vulcan mind?’

“No, Doctor, I am quite within my mind. I have decided to cease my incessant internal purification and embrace my feelings.”

“Well, Spark, I’m proud of you!”

“And Doctor, need I remind you, Starfleet…

“I’m a doctor, not a bureaucrat!”

“… Regulatory By-Law 1783.725.36…”

“I’m a doctor, not a lawyer!”

“…sets current minimum population of 350 for high quality wor…

“I’m a doctor, not a census taker!”

“Gentlemen, can we continue this debate later? This situation calls for a landing party! “Spark, you and Checkbook are with me. And remember, aphaser! settings on stun only.”

“Don’t worry, Kiptin, they’ll be stunned all right!”

“Youth-Hurrah, inform Lieutenant Sue-Lue she’s got the com. Then report to the planet’s surface and join the party.”

“Yes, sir!! I’m always up for a party!”

We’ll be right back with more Star Track – Not Your Grandfather’s Generation!