Saturday, August 19, 2006

Chapter 6 – Dress for Success

“Wait!” I said. “If I have to do this, at least let me dress the part. I’ve got what I need in these boxes. I’ll just take them into the Kirche place and get ready.”

“Okay, but no tricks,” growled the captain.

Two of the boxes were from CPH, so I opened the one on top first. Something was different about this alb. The material was odd, and this wasn’t the way CPH usually shipped vestments. I looked at the packing slip. Conflagration-Proof Habiliments and what I was holding in my other hand was something called “the Albestos.” “We said ‘no tricks;’ what’s going on in there?!!” accompanied a loud pounding on the door.

“Keep your habiliments on,” was as polite as I could make my reply. Besides, it would give them something to chew on while I quickly donned the alb. I hid the fire extinguisher in the folds.

They all escorted me over to the optimitrist’s office, somehow packing themselves in. “Welcome! Here to test your Ablaze! vision? Have a seat!” cackled the doctor as he threw me into the chair.

He grabbed the knob on the ab-lazer Ecclesiastical Super-Vision 2004 and sadistically cranked it to “MAX.” “Ready….” he said.

“AIM…” they all said.

“Fire,” the captain quietly directed.

What happened next, happened fast. I whipped out the fire extinguisher and started spraying. My asbestos alb fended off the attacks of the ES-V2004 easily enough, and aided by the slippery foam, I squeezed my way through the crowd and out the door.

My trusty Augsburg IV didn’t fire right up! In stead, it actually back-fired!!

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