Friday, June 02, 2006

There's no business like show bizness

On Memorial Day, the satellite stations AMC and TCM were showing war movies. I spotted one that I’ve enjoyed for many years – Sink the Bismarck. I thought about this oldie but goodie while searching for bits of popcorn under the couch a few days later. Next thing I knew, my rodent brain had wandered down a slightly different path ~ Bismarck….Bismark…Bizmark….

Biz Marks! And, like the seemingly impossible task laid before the Allied Navy in WWII, the allied confessionals now must attempt once again to Sink the Biz Marks!

The entire LCMS fleet had been sailing around in circles on turbulent waters. Joined together by the barest thread, the Church Marks were still evident among them. But by 2006, many were listing heavily to port, having been hit repeatedly by what lurked beneath the waves.

“Load the torpedo tubes with our weapons of Mass destruction!” barked the captain of the submarine, Biz Marks.

“Aye, sir! Ready and waiting, sir”

“Fire one!”

“’Corporate Jargon’ away, sir. Reports of confusion aboard all targets.”

“Fire two!”

“’Boardroom Bullying’ running straight, sir. Reports of casualties coming in.”

“Fire three!”

“Um, sir? ‘By-law Interpretation’ is jammed in the legal tube.”

“WHAT? I told you, always fire the BI’s through the CTCR or CCM tubes!”

“Yes, sir! Sorry, sir! BI away, and headed straight for the target.”

Right. Now, prepare to surface and man the deck gun!

Ready the accountants! …… “COMMENCE ABLAZE!!!”

(Interesting “historical” note: During this great battle, the crew of the Biz Marks abandoned the most historically successful weapons known in the corporate world: Product Consistency and Product Recognition. How happy would the kiddies be if every McDonald’s had a different menu? How successful would the Coca Cola Bottling Company be if every bottling center came up with its own recipe? It would be pretty tough to buy a box of Kleenex brand facial tissue if the name, Kleenex, appeared nowhere on the box. No, when you pull into a Wendy’s in North Dakota, you know that the Single, Double, Triple, Chili, and Frosty will be just like the ones back home in Georgia. The seating and décor may be different; the faces and accents of the employees are certainly varied; but that’s not what you came to Wendy’s for, is it?)

Currently, “Ol’ MO’s” chances of sinking the Biz Marks do not look too good. Yet we’ll do our best to drop counter measures at the ’07 convention. If the Biz Marks dives lower or her crew turn deaf ears to these depth charges and continue their attack, we may indeed have to lower the life boats and abandon ship. But, whether we bob around independently, lash our rafts together, or, by His mercy, witness the Biz Marks sailing off in her own direction leaving “Ol’ MO” to once again be “synod”, we know that the battle belongs to the Lord of the Church, and He will pilot us to safe harbor.

1 comment:

This Pastor's Wife said...

Not to boost up your old Adam or anything, but ... Dang! You're good. In my not so eloquent way I'm attempting to let you know that while I'm sad because I agree with much of what you have to say, I'm smiling on the outside because I just love the way you say it. Keep it up. I'll be back.