Article from the Prairie Schooner News

Investigators are still trying to sort out the pieces of the LCMSTitanic tragedy. Did the LCMSTitanic accidentally hit an iceberg while its captain steamed full speed ahead with a foggy vision? Was it all some dreadful miscommunication? A terrified crewman was heard screaming, “I think an IC-BM hit the fans!” Investigators know that the submarine Biz Mark secretely escorts the LCMSTitanic and has been known to carry a boatload of IC-BM’s in addition to its regular arsenal. Could the orders, “Fan into flame” have been mistaken for “Inflame the fans?” Theories seem to be surfacing as fast as the LCMSTitanic seems to be sinking. Sheer incompetence? A rogue petty-officer? Conspiracy? Anger over mutinie$ of the bounty? Doctrinal piracy? The (now very) public is demanding an answer. So far, the only reply has been the launch of another IC-BM.

Issues, etc.

Tissues, etc. – tissues for drying my eyes, a bucket for the waves of nausea, and a hymnal for driving away the evil spirit.

Diss-you’s, etc. – Strand’s, Kieschnick’s, and KFUO’s response.

Miss-you’s etc. – petition signing, and tributes and contributions to Rev. Wilken and Jeff Schwarz.

And finally,

Current issues about Issues, etc. – Weedon, “Why,” and what next.